Quick Fix: Decoration Dilemma

24 April 2014 Sophie Quick

Quick Fix: Decoration Dilemma

Illustration by Michael Weldon

Dear Quick Fix,

My wife and I have hired an interior decorator, Cordelia, to advise us on how to spruce up our new home. Cordelia is insisting we choose a tile called ‘Milky Excellence’ to cover our bathroom. My wife and I would prefer to tile our bathroom in ‘Rainbow Euphoria Dreamplasma’. Now Cordelia wants us to paint our living-room walls in ‘Snowbiscuit’ and cover our couch in ‘Ivory Wizard Sessions’. We want ‘Kaleidoscope Space Glory’ for the walls and ‘Brown Festival’ for our couch. Cordelia is expensive and so far has done nothing but squabble with us. What should we do? Home Improvement

Dear Home Improvement,

Cordelia is a white decor supremacist and not someone whose advice you should take on any subject at all. You need to cut your losses and sack her straight away. Don’t hire another decorator. You and your wife should just follow your hearts and kit out the place in the colours and textures that express who you are. Apart from being boring and sterile, Cordelia’s  white ideas are impractical, anyway. Dirt shows up very quickly on ‘Snowbiscuit’ whereas you can totally barf on a ‘Kaleidoscope Space Glory’ wall and nobody will ever notice. Quick Fix

 

Got a REAL problem? Sophie Quick can not help you. She has problems of her own, which you can follow on Twitter @squickens.


This article first appeared in Ed#455 of The Big Issue magazine.

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