Quick Fix: Crying Wolf

5 June 2014 Sophie Quick

Quick Fix: Crying Wolf

Illustration by Michael Weldon

Dear Quick Fix,

My neighbour bought an ‘exotic puppy’ about five months ago. As the puppy has grown, it’s become clear to me that it’s more of a wolf than a dog. This makes me nervous because I have infant twins, five chickens and a vulnerable petunia patch. I am also scared that my fence will be corroded by wolf urine.  What should I do? Nervous Neighbour

Dear Nervous Neighbour,

You are being ridiculous. Wolves are gentle and affectionate creatures with non-corrosive, hamster-strength urine. It’s a shame that wolves get such a bad rap in fairytales and genre fiction. Many people believe that wolves are aggressive and predatory because of their sharp teeth, but actually the fangs are just there to help them open envelopes. Quick Fix

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This article first appeared in Ed#459 of The Big Issue magazine.