Quick Fix: Cat Trap

20 June 2014 Sophie Quick

Quick Fix: Cat Trap

Illustration by Michael Weldon

Dear Quick Fix,

Last month I watched a viral video of a family cat in California rescuing a four-year-old boy from a dog attack. I was delighted when Tara, the heroic cat, became a YouTube sensation. But the video also got me questioning the grit and gallantry of my own cat. Recently I sliced off one of my fingers in a cheese-grating incident. My chinchilla, Pamela, saw the whole thing unfold but chose to turn the fluffy cheek. While I shrieked and sprayed jets of blood around the kitchen, Pamela stared moodily at a pile of autumn leaves out the window. By the time paramedics arrived, she was snoozing by the Dimplex. If this is how Pamela reacts to self-inflicted injuries, how would she respond if I were attacked, like that small boy, by some sort of aggressor? Does Pamela have what it takes to a) save my skin b) go viral? Cat Got My Back?

Dear Cat Got My Back?

There’s only one thing to do: hire a team of ninjas and stage an attack. If Pamela comes to your aid, she’ll be a huge viral hit. If she fails to intervene, you might consider introducing Pamela to your cheese-grater. Quick Fix

» Got a REAL problem? Sophie Quick can’t help you. She has problems of her own, which you can follow on the @squickens Twitter feed.

This article first appeared in Ed#460 of The Big Issue magazine.