Quick Fix: Bingo Lingo

22 August 2014 Sophie Quick

Quick Fix: Bingo Lingo

Illustration by Michael Weldon

Dear Quick Fix,

A couple of years ago, I started going to bingo. It’s a lot of fun and I love the rhyming slang, wordplay and number games in the bingo calls (“Jump and jive: 35”; “All the fours, droopy drawers: 44”;“88: two fat ladies, wobble wobble” etc). But lately I’m finding that I can’t have any kind of conversation without bingo lingo creeping in. Recently my surgeon told me I have a tumour and only 11 months to live. I responded with a whistle: “Legs eleven, wit-wooooo!” Do you think my bingo lingo impulses relate to my growing tumour? Please find X-ray pictures enclosed.

Bingo Brain


Dear Bingo Brain,

Thanks for getting in touch. I wish more readers would send me tumour snaps. The bad news is that it’s impossible for me to tell from the X-rays if the tumour is the cause of your irrational and uncontrollable bingo lingo impulses. But the good news is that it’s easy to tell that your doctor miscalculated: his prognosis was exactly half what it should have been. You’ve actually got 22 (two little ducks, quack quack) months to live.

Quick Fix


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